Stupid Hypotheticals - So Wrong It's Right

"Lets Just Drive" (lets-just-drive) 03/24/2015 at 19:16 • Filed to: None

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Resurrected from the dead, Stupid Hypotheticals returns to Oppo! Today's hypothetical hypothesizes that some wonderful asshole wants to buy you a car, any car you want within some sort of reason but there's a catch - the car has to completely and utterly not suit your lifestyle, it has to completely and utterly be the worst possible choice you can make in an automobile, but it's free and yours. What do you do?

jkm7680 > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:18

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Shoot him.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:23

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Make the fucker pay for his glee... This car fits nobody's lifestyle.

wkiernan > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:34

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I'd simply choose the most expensive and vulgarest super-duper-car made, and sell it instantly after I get sound title to it, thus acquiring a delightfully large heap of delicious cash money.

Joe6pack > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:36

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Bro Truck, Yo!

or maybe, Donk, Boooyyyyyzzzzz!

XJDano > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:38

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Likely a Vette.

as a construction worker this would not suite me well. Plus I'd trash it.

Lets Just Drive > wkiernan 03/24/2015 at 19:39

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So glad you kept with the spirit of the thing.

Brian, The Life of > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:41

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I commute over an hour to work every day, so ... Raptor!

Lets Just Drive > XJDano 03/24/2015 at 19:44

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Just picturing a C7 with the back up, hauling bags of... oh, I dunno, cement with big old work boots, some greasy tools and probably a lunch pail and thermos tossed in the front seat.

I like this answer.

Lets Just Drive > Brian, The Life of 03/24/2015 at 19:44

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I think that's still too practical and has too many wheels. A Morgan 3 wheeler would fit you just wrong. haha!

Lets Just Drive > Jeff-God-of-Biscuits 03/24/2015 at 19:45

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"What's it actually good for, though?"

"Absofuckinglutely nothing."

"Deal. Want two?"

Brian, The Life of > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:48

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A Morgan 3-wheeler is too civilised to be my anti-commuter, but I like where your head is at. Along those same lines, how about a Slingshot?

XJDano > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:51

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2x4's and power tools, although mostly hand tools, company has trucks for wood and big stuff.

I removed my passenger seat for more space on the metro, so exactly, a corvette as a dd is so wrong. Plus muddy/ dirty boots, clothes ect.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:52

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I'd have him buy me this:

I commute to work every day via train so my vehicle needs to fit into the parking deck, with this thing I can MAKE it fit. Aw yisss.

Plus I can beat the piss out of it and still be able to sell it for gobs of cash money afterwards.

Lets Just Drive > Brian, The Life of 03/24/2015 at 19:54

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Hmm, I like it. Fewer wheels, no real cargo capacity and it'd kill you in a crash. These are all good, but I think the modern plastics ruin the vibe so I'm thinking;

Road Dog.

noise > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 19:54

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Rolls Phantom Coupe Drophead

I'm an agricultural scientist who lives in upstate NY. I drove out to muddy farms with tools and plant samples in the back of my car and 1/2 the year my commute is in snow.


This is the least applicable car to my life you could possibly muster, because i'm also totally broke as hell and not particularly classy or showy.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 20:00

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no room to carry stuff. No room for the family. Miserable in the winter. Weak.

Brian, The Life of > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 20:02

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WINNAR!

Lets Just Drive > XJDano 03/24/2015 at 20:12

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Forget a C7, you need to "truckize" a C2 because fuck the world is why.

Lets Just Drive > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 03/24/2015 at 20:14

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I'd pee myself laughing; a Marauder parked in the compact car spot.

Lets Just Drive > noise 03/24/2015 at 20:16

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All the boxes are ticked. Plus, that leather which is only taken from cows who haven't lived around barbed wire, because nicks, would go from the height of luxury to a quagmire of scratches, stains and muck. I love it.

Lets Just Drive > Brian, The Life of 03/24/2015 at 20:20

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On rainy days every ride is preceded by updating the will. And snowy days. Actually, windy days too. Or when there's a hint of, you know, any kind of weather including a perfect sunny day.

Maybe a GoPro, for on the go updates.

"And I leave my video games to... WAAAAAAAAHHHH... Charlie."

noise > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 20:25

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I once rented a hyundai elantra for a trip out to a very distant orchard. Got the comprehensive insurance of course.

Some barbed wire got tangled around the passenger side drive shaft and spooled itself up until that wheel stopped turning. But thats nothing a sense tensioner and reverse can't fix!

Also that poor car looked like a bomb had gone off inside. A bomb made of apples.

but hey, rentals amirite?

Lets Just Drive > noise 03/24/2015 at 20:40

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Remember what Clarkson taught us (long after we already knew) that rental cars are the fastest cars of ever .

noise > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 20:50

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Also the best offroaders!

BJ > Lets Just Drive 03/24/2015 at 22:34

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I have 3 young children, live in a city with some of the most poorly-maintained roads in the country, must pay a yearly registration surtax on motors > 4L, have no garage or parking spot (street parking only) and take public transit to work.

Aston Martin Vantage GT12, I choose you!

Lets Just Drive > BJ 03/24/2015 at 23:18

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My word, that is impractical.

Axial > Lets Just Drive 03/25/2015 at 02:35

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catkam623 misses his 944 > Lets Just Drive 04/22/2015 at 17:41

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I'm not quite sure how to answer this question. I'm a teenager living in a well off town on the coast with good roads. A truck could fit since there's good off roading and I could use the bed. a old car is possible since there's good shops. The only thing I can think of would be maybe a kei car or a mini since its a very hilly area and id have trouble getting around with the tiny amount of horsepower. So